2004-12-06 - 11:10 a.m.
Wow. I don’t know any feminist, liberal, “you go girl” type people but I bet if I did they would be snubbing me pretty badly right now. And I guess I wouldn’t blame them. See the thing is…I’ve taken David back. In a big way. I told him I wanted to marry him (again). Now I know it sounds stupid, but I feel like this is the biggest relief of my life. I am totally lost without him. My every waking minute I am thinking of him, and when I sleep I only dream of him and our life together. I don’t think it was meant to be like this! I am beginning to believe, in the corniest of phrases, that we are meant for each other.
And if not I’ll know soon enough. I can only take him back once and if it gets really screwy after that then I’ll know where we truly stand. But right now I just can’t even function properly without him. It was our two year anniversary the other day – and we’re in different islands for Chrissakes! I was depressed for ages, I didn’t eat for nearly two days (which is a HUGE deal for me) and wouldn’t come out of my room. I just cried and cried, really sobbed my poor little heart out, all day and night. Then when I finally emerged to go to work I had to pull over cos I was crying so badly I couldn’t see the fricken road. I guess it’s like it’s been nearly two months since I broke up with him. In that time I haven’t really cried, I’ve sort of just had to get on with it. But when our anniversary was looming I just lost it.
I feel so happy that we’re back together. It just feels so right. I just talked to him now and I can barely say goodbye at the end of any conversation with him. I’d give anything to be with him again, but I suppose us being this far apart makes us appreciate each other more. Maybe this “break” was what we both needed. David’s got a job, he’s realized where he went wrong in our relationship and I’m missing him more than I can say.
Alright I’ll bloody move on before you all get bored to tears. I can’t remember if I said this last entry but I landed the job at TelstraClear! I start on February 14th with a starting salary of…get this…$31,500!!! That’s a fuckload of money for a 19-year old answering phones all day. I can’t wait to start and to get out of here – I’m going insane again, nothing to do until I go driving. I just sit and wait for the clock to hit 3 so I can truck around Christchurch for two hours. Brill.
I’ve nearly finished my Christmas shopping too, thank Christ. I only really have to buy for David’s father, my father (we’re getting onto that though) and maybe Alex. I can’t remember if I’ve bought Alex anything. We took him with us to the mall yesterday and he did his shopping too. We have to teach him that Christmas shopping is buying for OTHER people, not for him. I think he got the idea in the end but he came away asking why there wasn’t anything for him hahaha!
Gemma had her leaver’s ball on Saturday night. I went and ended up getting very drunk on over two bottles of wine. In fact I still don’t feel quite right. I had to drink because all the band kept playing were songs David and I loved together – Loyal, Slice of Heaven, Beds are Burning…it just went on and on. I couldn’t take it. It was the first time I’d been out since we split and the drink just made me feel a little happier with every glass, so I kept topping it up until I was laughing at everything. I felt much better after that. Not a very healthy thing, considering that was my mother’s early start on the road to alcoholism. But I won’t need to do it again cos I know that I love David and he loves me.
I said I’d stop didn’t I. Sorry.
It was a really lovely ball, would’ve been better if they’d play something circa NOW. Everything was from the 60s and 70s. Got kind of depressing after a while. There’s only so much Dusty Springfield and Tina Turner I can handle I’m afraid. Gemma looked gorgeous (I felt like a fat frump next to her but oh well) and it looked like she was having a great time but I never can tell with her. She didn’t drink, good girl that she is. I probably embarrassed Mum and Dad but it’s not like they can talk.
It is an absolutely miserable day again in Christchurch. Nearly a week into so-called summer and it has rained for five days. The winds have gotten so bad that planes have been cancelled. What the hell kind of summer is this? There’s a bloody heatwave in Australia and we’re freezing to death, sitting in thermal underwear and woolly jumpers all day! Everyone’s getting mildly pissed off and unfortunately it doesn’t look like it’s going to get much better any time soon. I am so cold sitting in this office. I don’t have any heating and it’s freezing, I bet that’s how I got my flu last week. I was off for nearly three days which will put a big dent in my pay next week. Coughing and feeling like crap and…arghh. I was better on Friday but my doctor told me to take it off or I’d relapse at the ball, so it was nice to lie in on Friday and listen to the rain. Sort of like a long weekend while still feeling a little crappy.
Two bottles of wine probably didn’t help matters. But I digress.
I better go anyways, if I don’t look busy they’ll give me some ghastly task to do involving motivating lazy gits who look over the Trade Me site instead of doing their job. Summertime and the living’ is easy….WHATEVER.
