2005-01-18 - 4:52 p.m.
Thought it was time for an update. Obviously, Christmas has been and gone, and the ten days after were a complete fairytale. Me and David, together 24/7, spending money, having FUN! What a difference money makes. We can actually go out and have a good time when we’re together now – I just wish I didn’t have to leave him every time my holiday time is up. I bawled at the airport and felt sick leaving him. It was awful. I physically felt ill, like I was going to throw up, and wondered if I’d had something bad to eat. But it was gone when the plane took off and I realized I didn’t want to leave him. Pathetic isn’t it?
Curses. Four hot days in a row, the ONLY hot days we’ve had all summer, and now it’s raining. I can’t believe it. It got to 35 degrees on Saturday and it was bliss, lounging about outside with a book in summer clothing. Alien, but bliss all the same. Had to know it wouldn’t last.
There’s the usual going on – work, going out with Annisha and Yi Rang cos they’re up from Dunedin, planning my next escape to Wellington. What I have been totally oblivious to until last week is that Gemma is suffering depression. Again. I feel so bad, I thought that having not recognized it the first time round I would notice if it happened again. But I didn’t have a clue until she exploded in front of me and we didn’t talk for two days. Basically it was the whole “I hate David and am insecure with you having sex with him” sort of thing but that’s not why she’s depressed. She has anxiety issues, really bad disturbing stuff, so she’s going back to her therapist. Maybe this time they can give her medication or something. When she’s like this she’s a completely different person – nasty, cold, unwilling to listen or compromise…it’s awful. So all I can do is offer my support and hope she trusts me. She has this crazy idea I’ll run and tell everything to David, which I would never do if she asked me of it. I know what to tell him and what not to, and I know Gem would be upset if I relayed her mental issues back to him. I can’t believe she doesn’t trust me in that way, I trust her with anything.
Anyways I’ll move on. Kirsty has come back from England for two weeks and I’m so happy to see her! She’s been gone two years and argh, it’s felt like a lifetime. But maybe it’s a good thing she’s been gone a while cos the shit she’s been up to over there has me worried. Snorting coke, smoking joints, drinking til she gets in fights, sleeping around. Okay I know it’s her life, but it’s not what I would do. She knows that though. We had a really good catch up last week and I’ll see her again soon enough. She’s pretty much my only friend I can talk to about sex without them freaking out…
Those friends would be Annisha and Yi Rang, who have decided to make a convenient reappearance into my life. Don’t get me wrong, I love them but I feel like a martian standing next to them. They talk about Uni and going overseas and all their friends down south…and I don’t have any of that. I’m not jealous, hell no I don’t want to go to University and be bogged down with all that again, but I just wish we had something in common. I can’t talk to them about co-workers or horrible bosses or my embarrassingly small pay rate. They think 10 bucks an hour is a huge pay rate. Ha! I wish! Oh well, only two weeks to go in here and then I’m off! Woohoo!
Oh and some rather disgusting news, rats have been taking refuge in my bedroom. Nice huh? There I was, quietly reading my book, when I heard this rustling and a little “squeak squeak.” I froze for all of a millisecond and then I just RAN. I haven’t been back in my room since except to brush my hair or grab clean underwear, I’ve been sleeping downstairs instead. It’s fucking foul to think RATS are inhabiting MY bedroom! Dad’s laid the rat poison down but I’m giving it a week to get back to normalcy.
And my latest obsession is “The Phantom of the Opera.” Saw it twice in Wellington and have fallen in love with it. Another brilliant Andrew Lloyd Webber masterpiece. He is truly a genius. And I know the musical’s been around for years, I’ve never seen it before though. Would love to see it professionally, in Sydney or London or something like that.
Well I’m suddenly feeling very nauseous, don’t know why but I’ve only got 10 minutes of work left so I’m gonna start getting ready to leave this vacuum of eternal boredom. I don’t expect my updates to be much quicker, nothing’s really happening and even if it was, I’m the laziest person in the world so why would I do something that involves thinking? LOL
