2005-01-28 - 9:19 p.m.
I'm feeling quite mixed up today. Started great, got better, went down a bit, went down a LOT, then got the mixed feeling about an hour ago. Even just then I stared into space for half a minute, not thinking anything, and I don't know why. Anyways here's the deal.
I wrote a letter to the editor of our regional paper and it got published. Naturally I was stoked, my first publication at only 19 (if you can call it that) and everyone I know is thrilled. So that's how I started the day on a high. The high got better when I sent the letter to Mum and Dad (they're both overseas) and got very high praise and "we're so proud" remarks. I get very few of these so I relished in that.
Went down a bit when I arrived at work and was given a shitty task to do involving rearranging clearfiles I had already arranged the day before. I started said task before being dragged out to drive - for THREE AND A HALF HOURS. This is when the day got worse. I didn't get lunch til 3, in which I had to run down to Hornby Mall and buy a crate of Speights for the boys since it was my last day, get some lunch and somehow make it back in time for the afternoon run.
Traffic horrendous during afternoon run. Sunday drivers, roadworks, every possible fricken red light...you name it, it was there. I wouldn't have been at all surprised if I'd been carjacked at the same time. Would've probably said to the guy "At last! You've come to postpone my urgent job even more! Hop in!"
Arrived back at work at 5.30, cleared out my desk admist a sea of drinking, smoking mechanics, bade farewell through a polite decline of a Speights offer and walked away. It was so weird. I walked through the workshop and all I could think was "Well, now it's just plain old Dad's work again, not my work." But they're all good blokes and I suppose I will miss the banter. If it had been busier I would've stayed...
Anyways drove home, took a panicky Gemma to the gym to wade through more paperwork regarding her membership where she promptly panicked and turned to me (like I'm the answers guru) and said "Maybe we should ask Mum before we do anything." I know she's depressed and all that but SERIOUSLY, she is going to have to GROW UP and learn how to handle certain situations. Me and Mum aren't going to hold her hand for the rest of her life. I don't want to be travelling overseas wondering if Gemma's okay. Sigh...
Then I come on here and check my emails. This is when everything gets really fucked up. I see a new email titled "Pacific Blue Application." I don't dare get my hopes up - how could they want me for an air hostess? - but the first word I see is a cheery, bold "Congratulations!"
Oh shit...
I held out for that job, I prayed it would magically arrive in front of me, but why did it have to arrive now? Now being two weeks before I start my new job. Could they not have sent it two months ago? I've got the weirdest feeling about this though. It's like my dream job but I just can't bloody have it cos I signed up for this other one. I don't know who to be angry with, myself, Pacific Blue for sending it now, TelstraClear for hiring me. I just don't know how I feel except I know I'm riding a wave of huge disappointment. I just have to get over it and move on. I'm gonna be earning 40 grand a year, I mean I can't say no to that.
Also David has applied for the same job at TelstraClear in Wellington so hopefully he'll get that. He'd be so good at it. It'll be like our old McDonald's days, where we swapped notes and backstabbed managers. Although he won't remember that...he doesn't remember anything pre-sexual relationship. In fact his most tender memories of us probably involve sexual experimentation.
"Oh honey, remember the time we first had anal sex?"
Great way to leaf through your mental photo album. Not "remember our first date?" or "remember our first trip away?" I remember everything and he seems to let anything slip that doesn't involve sex. Don't get me wrong, sex is great, I just wish he could sometimes be contented with just being together. Oh hell I know he loves me, no doubt about that, it's just...
How did I even get on to this? I promised him I wouldn't say anything mean? Oh well.
Mum, Alex and Dad all come home tomorrow from Melbourne, Melbourne and New Caledonia respectively. I've really missed Alex, it's been so weird without him rambling nonsense and cuddling under my bed with a thousand trains when I'm trying to watch a movie. And it's been so quiet. So so quiet.
So that's my rant for today. If you have any questions please do not hesitate to ask myself or any other member of the crew. Please ensure your seatback is upright, your tray table is folded away and your carry on luggage is stored safely underneath the seat in front of you or in the overhead lockers. Sit back, relax and enjoy your flight. *flight attendants prepare for takeoff* Sigh...
